All the great stuff you love about AZ

• You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
• You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
• You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
• You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees.
• You discover that in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
• The best parking is determined by shade, not distance.
• Hot water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
• It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
• You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter.
• You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
• You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.
• You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
• You see two trees fighting over a dog.
• You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
• You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!"
• All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
• You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
• Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
• You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
• Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
• Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
• Most homes have more firearms than people.
• Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?"
• People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
• You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
• You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
• You take rain dances seriously.
• When a rainy day puts you in a good mood.
• When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter.
• You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• When you have to look up "mass transit" in the dictionary.
• The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
• You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
• You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• You realize that snowbirds aren't really birds at all, but just really bad out of state drivers that you learn to hate.
• There are only two temperatures, hot and hotter
• Even thinking about not having air conditioning makes you sweat.
• You travel out of state and any sort of humidity nearly kills you.

Curiozitate

Ce se intampla daca omul nu poate sa-si mai plateasca rata la banca, rata la masina, rata la cartile de credit? Omului nu-i mai pasa.

Omului caruia nu-i mai pasa nu mai este un om santajabil.

Omului nesantajabil nu-i mai e frica. Nu mai are ce pierde. Dar se supara.

Sunt tare curios ce face americanul cand se supara.

Ce face romanul cand se supara am vazut in '89.

Mi-am raspuns singur. Nimic.

Cititul in anul 2008

Conform fiului meu, in lumea civilizata, in 2008, nu se mai pune mana pe carte, se citeste ascultand.  ???  Nu sunt de acord, dar treaca de la mine.  Cu greu, dar treaca de la mine.  Nu stiu de ce dobitocii aia de la examene cer sa aiba totul pe hartie.  Poate fiul meu imi va explica.  Sau de ce cand te duci la o facultate, aia iti cer un eseu scris ... pe hartie.  Nu stiu, poate fiul meu poate sa-mi explice.  Oricum, atunci cand pe vremurile noastre preistorice erau mici accidente in carte si, vezi Doamne, nu invatam, spuneam ca erau paginile lipite.  Acum se spune ca e CD-ul zgariat.  Secolul XXI, de!

Sunt sa nu realizat? – this is the question

In ultimele cateva luni am avut o discutie cu un domn proaspat mutat din Chicago in Arizona. Dansul m-a intrebat, pe un ton confidential, lasandu-se usor spre mine, ca sa nu ne auda si altii: “In Chicago, ca sa te realizezi, trebuie sa umbli cu ciocanu’ sau volanu’. In Arizona cum e? Am auzit ca daca ai casa de batrani, esti realizat. Asa e?”

Avand in vedere ca persoana era absolvent de Drept in Romania, deci persoana de la care ai oarece pretentii, am inceput brusc sa fiu rusinat si sa am o dilema existentiala: eu, Fane Popescu, om al muncii in computere, care folosesc ciocanu’ si volanu’ doar in scopuri de stricta necesitate, si care nu am nici casa de batrani, sunt sau nu sunt realizat?

Romanul, comersant vestit

Avand eu nevoie de o simpla icoana mititica, m-am dus repejor s-o cumpar de la Biserica Romaneasca din Glendale, AZ. Cea mai mare din parcare. Ma duc la ghiseu, imi iau pozitia de plecaciune la ferestruica si cer politicos o icoana. Raspunsul vanzatorului, bashtan sef peste trepadushii aciuiati pe langa biserica (adeca persoana importanta, nu vre-un proaspat volintir, vreau pentru ca sa subliniez): “Ha???” Si gata, m-a dat afara uitindu-se crancen la mine si infacand cosuletul, pleca iute sa faca o tura printre enoriasi ca sa le insface dolarasul.

Mi-am luat coada intre picioare si umilit tot am plecat spre casa. In drum spre, am avut gandul cel bun si m-am oprit la Biserica Greceasca. Ne dam jos din masina si intrebam un oarecare ce freca menta prin parcare: “De unde putem sa cumparam niste icoane?” Zice ala: “Vedeti ca in cladirea aia mica e magazinul bisericesc, au icoane cate vrei”. Si au avut: un perete intreg de incoane de toate felurile, dimensiunile, si daca cumva ce vroiai tu nu era acolo, ti-o ordonau si saptamana urmatoare o aveai.

Ha???

Ray Charles, Jerry Lee Lewis

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http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1ttk_tommy-emmanuel-guitare_music

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