Am ajuns de rasul c(l)asei

Ultima oara cand am fost fara 'stache eram in armata, la varsta matura de 18 ani. A venit comandantul (dragul de Tomberon) la inspectie, a dat cu ochii de mine si a cuvantat: "Ba, dupa ce ca esti urat, da' urat, mai ai si mizeria aia sub nas! Jos cu ea si sa raportezi de executare!" Gulp, am inghitit in sec si m-am executat.

35 de ani mai tarziu, n-am de lucru si-mi dau barba si mustata jos.  Asa distractie pe fiul meu n-am vazut de mult. Ala mic are doua stari: filozofeaza sau e serios. Rade rar. De aseara rade intr-una. Se uita la mine si cade pe jos de ras. Prina observatie: "ce gurita mica ai! si ce de mancare intra in ea!" Am paralizat cand am auzit - la fel imi spune si Iubitul Mish, dar mult mai poetic: "fiti-ar gurita aia mica a dracului, ca e mica, dar bagi in ea ca intr-o basculanta!". A doua observatie: "arati ca o lesbianca fericita!". Inca ma mai gandesc daca sa ma supar sau nu.

Am fost pus sa promit ca nu mai fac. O las sa creasca si gata! 

Acum a plecat la serviciu, dar inainte de a pleca a mai trecut o data pe la mine sa mai rada putin.

Funny 2 8 8

I should have known that something is wrong when the time shown on the screen was almost double the time scheduled. And we were already in flight, so definitely something not OK. 

And then the entertainment system crashed. And the overhead lights stayed ON. And the AC stayed OFF. Only for the side I was seated on and the last 15 rows. Things started to get really intimate in that part of the cabin. The guys on the right had no idea what was going on and why the sweaty guys were leaning towards them. 

At least I paid only $1.00 for the ticket (plus taxes, but still, $1.00). That expression "you get what you pay for" was a perfect example. I wasn't very upset, but my seat neighbors were very vocal. They paid full price. 

They kept us very well hydrated, though: I didn't drink anything in the last 90 days and suddenly I found myself in Chenin Blanc heaven. I happily obliged. 

Suddenly the AC was ON, full blast. And the light went OFF, after much tinkering by one of the flight attendants. The lead attendant explained that now they are working at the video system. I found myself speaking from the bottom on the bottle and asking her to pretty please stop working at the electrical system while in flight. She thought I'm joking and gave me some more wine. 

Fast forward, in the last 20 minutes of the flight the video system was back on, to everybody's surprise, including the repairman's. He was puzzled.

Other than this, the actual flight (the most important part, actually) was smooth; the flight attendants, a bunch of old boys, Monty Python style, were awesome. And the captain, oh my captain, one of his quotes: "a left shoe arrived in my cabin without the owner. Ladies, please look at your feet and if you miss a shoe please let us all know. We want to see you. The shoe we have it's a Michael Kors, so, if you wear matching shoes, this makes for an expensive pair."